So Indian weddings are sort of more the merrier kind of thing and I am more the “4 is too many people” kind. The other day I had a wedding reception to attend which I was desperately trying to get out of. Well because it was my mother-in-law’s cousin’s cousin’s <I do mean cousin’s cousin> daughter. Yes, very close that TOH’s family.
So of course while I described my conundrum to Dee, she was trying to be as supportive as she could:
Me: I don’t want to go to this thing
Dee: Yeah I don’t see how you cannot. TOH is in Goa so you have no excuse...
Me: But c’mon help!
Dee: You aren’t working or anything so you cannot even have a meeting or get late at work!
Me: Thank you that was very helpful
Dee: Fake menstrual cramps...always works...
Me: No, its kind of complicated can’t do that
Dee: Ok...fake a migraine attack
Me: You cannot fake a migraine...they would know! My face swells up twice its size when I have an attack...its a dead giveaway
Dee: Fiiine...eat chocolate then! Be realistic!
Me: I would rather go to the reception than choosing a near death experience (side note: I have migraine and chocolate is the biggest trigger in my case)
Dee: See I told you...you should go.
Now here is the deal, in Indian wedding receptions the bride and the groom stand on an elevated platform decorated with flowers while people stand in a line (serpentine line), go up to the couple, wish them, give a gift and take a really bad picture with them. I sat down to watch for a bit and I observed the strangest thing.
A guest walks up to the stage, shakes hands with the bride and the groom and gives the groom a gift. The groom takes the gift and holds it against his crotch while taking a group picture with the guest !!
This happened over and over and over again. I don’t think the poor guy even knew that he is going to have an album full of pictures with him holding colourful boxes covering his crotch. But I don’t have much sympathy for him anymore, for one there was a huge projector screen which was showing the pictures being taken so he should have been able to figure it out and the other he held the envelopes against his crotch too! Seriously WTF! Even subconsciously how do you think you can protect your junk with an envelope which probably contains just one note not even like a thick wad of notes you know for extra padding!
Sigh, anyway all I can say I no longer regret going to that reception because while I thought my life was pretty darn fucked up at least I am not going to own a thick photo album in which I am holding gifts against my crotch....always a silver lining.
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