Ninja assassin grandmom

Do you get it when people compare a baby's face to one of the 33 million Hindu gods? I don't...I cannot tell if the baby resembles the mom or the dad let alone a deity...
The other day I went to visit TOH's extended family (when TOH was in Goa - he owes me one and he knows it) and there was a baby boy. 

TOH's dad was holding the baby and there were some 20 other people in the room. Like I said, TOH's family is close - v e r y close. And suddenly, out of nowhere TOH's grandma asked me if I could see Lord Krishna in that baby's face. Now this is a trick question on so many levels - 1) The baby's mom was expectantly staring at my face waiting for me to say that all that the baby is missing a peacock feather and a flute 2) Lord Krishna is kind of a big deal in TOH's family so one cannot simply say yes and get on with life. 3) Saying no would be as bad as saying the baby resembles a pig or some such blasphemous thing.

Like any normal person I immediately dived into staring at the baby's face trying to find something to comment upon to make this nightmare go away. But other than his gummy face and drool I couldn't see a thing! I guess I stared for too long because TOH's grandma mistook my staring for interest.

She went for the jugular by asking me in front of 20 people "Doesn't this make you want one of your own?" Again a question to which there really is no answer...if I said yes I was screwed, if I said no I would be the most evil grand-daughter in-law defying the matriarch and if I let it go with smile the chances are people would assume I am already pregnant!

That grandma...old and tiny as she is, is like some ninja assassin type. One minute you are in everyone's good books and the next minute with your back flat out on the ground and all your brownie points missing.

Any good news? Hell No !

So like I said before, TOH and I do not have kids and honest to god are not planning right now. But clearly a simple yet pointed message like that can be difficult to get through not just family members in India but people you do not even know! 

If you are married, you must have kids preferably in the first two years of your marriage if you are normal, that is. If you are "modern" you get about 3-4 years tops! After that you will have coloured threads with your name on some tree which promises fertility. 

In the first two years of marriage, every time I attended a social event I was asked with a nudge nudge wink wink if there was any "good news". In fact, at a cousin's wedding a lady came and jabbed her finger into my tummy asking if there was any good news! I told her "even if there was, it sure wouldn't be good news now after such an injury..." She did walk away but not before clarifying "so no?". 

The other time, when I was at work and very ill I took a loo break and was seeing the last night's dinner going down the drain. A colleague waited for me in the washroom, I was touched by her concern before she asked me "oh good news?" I told her, "if I was, it would have to be a very powerful and determined sperm to travel alone for nearly 3000 km to impregnate me" She gave me a quizzical glance and walked away!  Really woman I just threw up, my husband lives in another city and I haven't seen him for almost 3 months and that is the question you are going with - so what did you expect!

Now when I go to a wedding people don't ask me about a good news, they just ask me how old my child is. Yes, my non-existent child because it is impossible to believe that I wouldn't have one right?

And when I say I don't have kids, I get anything from a shocked "oh why?" to a pitiful look followed by "I know this great doctor who is just so lucky...one look at you and that's all it takes"! 

Really people I will tell you when the miracle of life happens till then please keep your questions to the gossip group at the park where you go walking. I am really OK! 

Makes you wonder about the doctor though....just one look hmmm...what sort of a look would lead to THAT? Are you thinking what I am thinking? ;)